Federal prosecutors, working in conjunction with the Treasury Department, have arranged a plea bargain with Bernard Madoff, the convicted felon whose fancy financial footwork cost investors billions of dollars. Madoff will see an early release from prison and will complete his sentence doing community service as director of the Social Security Administration.
The undersecretary for the Bureau of Retirement On Key Entitlements says the former head of NASDAQ brings unique qualifications to the job. “We’re in bad shape,” says Les Funds. “By 2017, Social Security will be paying out more than we take in. We need someone with a ‘magic touch’ to grow the system while still allowing us to burn the candle at both ends.”
New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg says that putting Madoff in charge of Social Security is either a publicity stunt or a good example of government learning from the private sector. Bloomberg told WNYC’s radio audience last January that “Madoff’s isn’t the biggest ponzi scheme ever. – that’s social security.” When asked to comment on today’s announcement, Bloomberg rolled his eyes and said he’s running out of political parties to quit.
Editor’s Note: This post was first created as a submission to the New York Public Radio outlet WNYC for a Satire Slam! on 4/28. It was selected as a semi-finalist in that competition.
herbjf says:
I like your entry but can’t abide many of your picks. Some good ideas among them but not well-written or pungent and lacking in nuance, the crux of good satire. That being said, you need to get reaquainted with smell checker.
April 23rd, 2009 at 2:22 pm
pauleblock says:
Funny stuff! Thanks for recognizing “Bloomilocks and the Three Bears.” I guess the Bryan Lehrer show folks didn’t find mine as funny as I did.
Hope you make the semi-finals.
Paul
April 28th, 2009 at 11:37 am